Six Gospel Commitments

Underlined words are the blanks in the couple's workbook. Bracketed tags mark which slide to be on.

[SLIDE 1 — Growth & Change — Title Slide]

Night 2

We will make growth and change our daily agenda.

[SLIDE 2 — The Second Gospel Commitment]

Opening Prayer for the Night

Lord, we confess that we drift. We coast on old habits and call it normal.

Tonight, give us eyes to see the weeds we have let grow in our marriages — selfishness, busyness, inattention, self-righteousness, fear, and laziness — and courage to pull them.

Plant in us the fruit of Your Spirit, and make us couples who work at our marriage every day, not just on hard days.

Do in us what only Your grace can do. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Table Warm-Up

If your marriage were a garden, what would passersby see growing in it right now? What is one habit you fought hard to break in life — and what finally worked?

The Lesson

[SLIDE 4 — Start Here]

Start here: no marriage stands still. It is either being cultivated or it is going to weeds. Tripp pictures marriage as a garden — and gardens are ruled by daily work, not annual events. Nobody drifts into a great marriage; couples drift only one direction.

[SLIDE 5 — Transition — What We Don't Tend]

Transition: God's Word warns us what unattended sin does to a relationship.

[SLIDE 6 — Little Bites Become Big Destruction]

1. Little bites become big destruction.

But if ye bite and devour one another, take heed that ye be not consumed one of another. — Galatians 5:15 (KJV)

[SLIDE 7 — What Paul Forces Us to Face]

Exposition: Paul chooses animal words on purpose — "bite… devour… consumed." Sharp words, sarcasm, and score-keeping feel small in the moment, but Paul says they escalate: biting becomes devouring becomes consuming. "Take heed" means watch the little moments — that is where marriages are lost, and where they are won. No couple ever consumed each other in one bite.

Illustration cue: Termites do more property damage each year than house fires — and nobody ever hears a termite. Ask the room which their marriage should fear more: the blow-up fight, or the quiet daily chewing.

[SLIDE 8 — Growth Is the Spirit's Fruit]

2. Growth is the Spirit's fruit, cultivated daily.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. — Galatians 5:22–23 (KJV)

[SLIDE 9 — Fruit Takes a Whole Season]

Exposition: Fruit is not manufactured; it is grown — slowly, in season, by the Spirit's power and not our willpower. Every quality in this list is a marriage quality: longsuffering with a spouse's weakness, gentleness in correction, meekness in conflict, temperance with the tongue. And fruit grows in cultivated soil — the daily habits of the Word, prayer, and confession we committed to last week are the tilling.

Illustration cue: You can buy plastic fruit that looks right across the room and fools nobody at the table. Manufactured niceness is plastic fruit; the Spirit grows the real thing — slower, but alive.

"A healthy marriage is all about knowing what to say no to." — Paul David Tripp, Marriage

Growth is as much about pulling weeds as planting seeds. Saying yes to your marriage will mean saying no to lesser things — the schedule, the screen, the self. Tripp names six weeds by name:

selfishness
busyness
inattention
self-righteousness
fear
laziness

Read the list slowly; every couple in this room owns at least one.

[SLIDE 10 — Change Is a Work of Beholding]

3. Change is a work of beholding, not just behaving.

But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord. — 2 Corinthians 3:18 (KJV)

[SLIDE 11 — We Become What We Behold]

Exposition: "Beholding… we are changed." Paul's word order matters: transformation follows attention. We become what we steadily look at — which is why a marriage fed on comparison, screens, and grievance is being changed by them, "from glory to glory" in the wrong direction. The couple that beholds Christ together — in the Word, in worship, in prayer — is being changed together. Change of behavior that lasts always starts as a change of gaze.

Illustration cue: Couples married fifty years start to finish each other's sentences — you become like what you behold. The question is not whether your marriage is being shaped, but by what.

[SLIDE 12 — God Finishes What He Starts]

4. God finishes what He starts.

Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ. — Philippians 1:6 (KJV)

[SLIDE 13 — Patience Is Simply Faith]

Exposition: "Confident" — not wishful. The guarantee of your growth is not your discipline but God's faithfulness: He "will perform it." That frees couples from despair over slow change. You are married to an unfinished person — and so is your spouse — but God does not abandon His projects. Patience with each other is simply faith that God is still working.

Illustration cue: A construction site looks worst mid-project — framing exposed, mud everywhere. If you judge the builder mid-build, you'll misjudge every time. Your spouse is mid-build.

[SLIDE 14 — Key Phrase for the Night]

Key phrase for the night: Growth and change are not the emergency plan for a broken marriage — they are the daily agenda of a healthy one.

[SLIDE 15 — Couple's Exercise — Alone (2 min)]

Couple's Exercise — Weed & Seed (7 min)

Alone (2 min): From Tripp's six weeds — selfishness, busyness, inattention, self-righteousness, fear, laziness — each spouse writes the one that grows fastest in themselves (not in their spouse). Then one seed: a small daily habit to plant.

[SLIDE 16 — Couple's Exercise — Together (5 min)]

Together (5 min): Share your own weed first — never your spouse's. Agree on one shared seed for the week and when it will happen (name the time of day). Leader note: Warn the tables: the exercise fails the moment anyone diagnoses their spouse. Own your own weed.

[SLIDE 17 — Table Talk — Questions 1–2]

Table Talk

Which of the six weeds is most socially acceptable — the one churches let slide? Why is it still deadly? "We become what we behold." What does your marriage spend the most time beholding in a normal week?

[SLIDE 18 — Table Talk — Questions 3–4]

What is one thing your marriage needs to say no to, so growth has room to grow? How does Philippians 1:6 change the way you respond to slow change — in yourself and in your spouse?

[SLIDE 19 — Review & This Week]

Review & Closing

Review: Little moments of biting become seasons of devouring (Galatians 5:15).

Review: The Spirit grows fruit where couples do daily work (Galatians 5:22–23).

Review: We are changed by what we behold (2 Corinthians 3:18).

Review: God finishes what He starts — in you and in your spouse (Philippians 1:6).

This week at home: Work the seed you planted tonight every day, and check in on day three: is the weed shrinking?

Close in prayer at the tables: ask the Spirit for one specific fruit your marriage needs this week.

NIGHT 2: Growth & Change